


They're All That Has Ever Mattered

by bassnotbass



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Family, Feels, Love, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7571884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bassnotbass/pseuds/bassnotbass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>***If you haven't finished the season this story has one major spoiler******</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mary Winchester is back. How does she comes to terms with the life she left behind? And how does she comes to terms with the children she left so long ago?</p>
            </blockquote>





	They're All That Has Ever Mattered

**Author's Note:**

> I'm supposed to be finishing another story but after posting a chapter last night and watching spn cons all day, I couldn't get the season finale out of my head. As a mother of three wonderful kids, two of which are twin boys, I couldn't get the idea of Mary coming back out of my head. I let the idea go but woke up with the same thought this morning and had to write it down. This is more of a musing/drabble than a story. It's a third person account into Mary Winchester as a mother who is thrown back into life with her children. It's loaded with feels since I tried to put myself in a position where my kids grew up without me. I may have unintentionally made myself sad this morning.
> 
> This is only a one-shot and won't have any more chapters. The thought just wouldn't leave me alone.

And when it's done, when she's got both of her boys back, she'll sit there in the passenger seat of the impala while her eldest son drives. She will look back in the backseat through the sideview mirror and see her youngest not in a carseat. But sprawled out with his head against the window. Her little one who grew bigger than the rest of them and could barely fit in the car. Covered with a jacket and scratches and bruises, his breath fans against the window repeatedly fogging it. She'll smile a little to herself and turn to really look at Dean. 

Her oldest is lost in the road but seems happy for now. He taps his thumb along with the music that's turned down a bit so his brother can rest. She'll watch as the setting sun gleams across his face and his hair catching the colors.

It'll hit her that she doesn't really know them at all anymore. That she only got four years in with Dean and a few months with Sam. And here they sit, her beautiful boys in their thirties, and she doesn't know them.

She'll ask. Because she has to know. And she'll watch the shadows of memories play across her oldest's face. She'll feel her heart beat in trepidation when he turns the music lower.

And Dean will tell her everything. Beginning with her death, she'll listen while she stares out the window. Because it'll be a twelve hour drive and she's got thirty years to go through.

It'll hurt but she'll hold it all in, because no matter what, these are her babies. Her babies that have abused, neglected, who went without a mother and father. Who rarely got to eat and barely slept. Who were dragged from town to town and pulled out of one school to another. Who didn't get to watch the games at their school and play with the boys in their class. All because of the man she loved. The father who was grieving and couldn't take it. 

She would clench her fists in anger against her thighs when Dean would talk about John. The man who married into a hunter family and brought her family back into it when she tried so hard to give them a normal life. The life she left for her two boys. 

She would stare at Dean in awe when he would recount their childhood. How he raised Sam with the help of Bobby. How Bobby became an adopted father and she would sent her prayers up to the man who stepped in when John wasn't there. The man who tried to teach them more about life than just monsters and bloodshed.

She will press her fist against her mouth as silent tears make their way down her face. She turns away from Dean then. Her boys have been to hell, her husband's still there and they got out. If anything was going to soothe her broken heart it was the fact that after it all came to a close, John sacrifice himself for their children.

She'll close her eyes against the pain in Dean's voice when he talks about the ones he's lost. His voice will take on a mix of fondness and regret. Her wonderful son. Who tried to save as many as he could and lost himself and his brother in the process. But here he sat, reliving his most painful memories, still hunting. Her heart will swell at his strength and his dedication to Sam.

She'll save the strongest of prayers for the angel. Castiel, the one who gave up everything he had ever known for her babies. Who tried to do right by them, but ended making up mistakes. Who was so close to her boys they called him their brother. She'll pray as Dean talks about him. Saying all the things that she can't say to Dean right now. She'll throw all her feelings into that prayer and all her thanks. That there really was an angel watching over her boys, and that he was strong enough to keep them alive and going. The one who saved her oldest from hell and gave him new reason in life.

She'll get distracted from the story by Sam's snoring. She'll smile and revel in the fact that she had been given a second chance with her boys. That maybe she'll be able to cook them breakfast one morning and bake them a pie in the evening.

They'll get back to the boys home after the sun's been up and she's exhausted from her emotions. She'll reach up to hug her youngest and grab his face in his hands and place a kiss on his forehead. Dean will make a room up for her down the hall away from them. She'll lie and say she wants to get a good night's sleep away from their snoring when she really just wants space to think things over. 

She'll really look at her youngest son and become washed in grief. She'll see the love in his eyes when he calls her mom and tells her goodnight. She'll try to hold onto his words as she fights to see the baby she used to know.

She'll spend the longest time wrapped in her oldest son's embrace. He'll press his face into her hair and whisper how much he's missed her in a broken voice. She almost breaks then. With tears in his eyes and the scars of his life on his face. She'll say she missed them too. She'll trace his face in her hands to reassure herself for the thousandth time that she is there. That her babies are here. She'll tell them that's she's there. She tells them that everything will be fine. Because that what's she's supposed to do. She's a mom. But her words sound hollow and her oldest knows anyway. She'll straighten her back choosing to believe that it's true for the time being. She'll wrap her oldest in another hug and promise breakfast when they wake. She'll watch as something so little lights Dean's face up with joy. Her strong wonderful boy.

And she'll finally crawl into bed and let everything out. She'll press her face into the pillow as her heart breaks and she tries to muffle the sounds of it. She'll cry for all the lost years, for all the times they went hungry, for all the times they called for help and wasn't answered. 

She lets the grief of not really knowing them consume her. These wonderful men who had been broken so many times and still get up the next day. For her boys who stuck together no matter what. Who didn't give up on each other. Who fought with their dying breath to believe in a better place. Her beautiful boys who against all odds somehow made it through. Who grew up with nothing and gave everything in return. Who wore the pressure of this life on their shoulders and never asked for relief. She cried for every scar, every line on their handsome faces, and cursed that she wasn't there.

Mostly she cried because she couldn't protect them. She was pulled out of their lives when they were so little. She couldn't protect them from the world. She couldn't protect them from John. 

She hated him for what he did. She couldn't believe how he decided to move on when he knew. He knew the hunter life, she didn't hide it from him. He's seen, just like her, the ugliness of this life and the toll it takes. He's seen how it can corrupt and possess a person. And he did it anyway. He dragged their precious children into this with no hope of going back. She almost wished she could bring him back to life so that she could kill him again. 

She'll finally be spent. She'll allow herself to drown in her sorrow for tonight only. Because later will be a new day and she was there now. She couldn't fix it and she couldn't change it. But no matter what, these were still her boys. Her precious beautiful boys. The ones she paid for with her life and do so again gladly. She'll get up strong and be there for them. Because they needed it. After all these years, all they ever needed was support. All they had were each other. 

And she'll steel her resolve. They'll have her back. It won't matter that she doesn't know them. She'll find a way to relearn. Hopefully she'll have time with them. Enough to know them. To see through the good and bad days. To watch them do the little things.

She'll spend time watching Dean work on his car. The car that now carried scratches of their initials and army men in the vent. She'll see his love for cooking and frown for his love for women. She'll see the barriers he's placed around himself. And the sunlight that shines through when he let's them down the smallest bit.

She'll watch Sam spend a day devoured in books. And watch his face light up in happiness when she talks about their childhood. She'll watch as he'll sheepishly look over at Dean when he realizes that so many childhood memories were spent watching over him. She'll smile to herself as her boys have a silent conversation with each other.

She'll almost burn dinner because she's too busy watching them fight on the couch. She'll let the tears fall down her face in joy this time. 

Her boys.

Her scarred and broken boys. Who found a way to carve a semblance of normalcy into their world. Who never forgot to enjoy the little things. Who turned out okay despite everything.

She'll meet the angel who saved them. The one they call their brother. She'll throw her arms around his neck trying to convey all her thanks into it. And he'll hear her. He's heard her prayers and he knows.

She'll listen as she dries her tears and hears him say that it was worth it. That he'd do it all over again. 

She'll call them over to the table and watch as they greet the angel. She'll watch their animated faces as they swap stories of better times. She'll close her eyes absorbing their laughter and tuck every smile into her heart. She'll catch Castiel's eyes from across the table when she silently gives thanks to be able to witness this. She'll watch as her boys dig into their pie and her emotions will swell at their praise. 

She'll keep watching. Enamored of the men that they've become. Of the easy way they get along. Of the way that Dean still hovers around Sam as if to protect him when Sam's bigger than all of them. Of the way Sam looks at Dean with his heart on his sleeve, still somewhat in awe of his older brother. Of the way Castiel is welcomed with open arms and still finding his way into their small family.

She'll keep watching to make up for all those years and pray each night that she gets another day with them. Everything was still so messed up in the world. But she had her babies, well her men. Who will always still be her babies. She was alive and so were they. No matter how bad things were, her world is good. Her boys. The loves of her life. They were good and that's all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Writers are pretty critical of their work but I'm oddly satisfied with this one. Can I say that I'm still crying after proofreading this without sounding like complete narcissistic moron? I hope so.


End file.
